Just Another Stupid Child

I suppose this is just gonna be a little rant for a while.

The only times I ever have anything to write about, is when something bad/upsetting/sad happens. It almost bugs me. But them again, those rare times something good/cherishable/happy happens, I try too hard to live in the moment, but those moments are slowly forgotten. Because those happy times are so rare, it feels like those horrible moments brainwash me in to forgetting I was ever happy. I feel so stupid for saying things like "I hate my life" or "My life sucks" because I know I need to be greatful for everything God has given me and for everything he has blessed me with. Honestly, I think it's God testing how we'll react when the people around us try to push us to be suicidal. I think he makes us live with it for so long, because it's a test. He wants to see if we were strong enough to make it out. He wants to see if we were strong enough to keep our faith in Him.

Maybe I'm over-anylyzing. I hate it that I do that.

I hate how when I'm having a bad day, that seems to be the day that everyone wants something. For example: Today, I was scared awake by my little brother wanting to play. I was so tired. I tried to go back to sleep, but I couldn't. About half an hour later, my mom calls me over and says I need to get ready. We aren't freaking doing anything today. I want to sleep. I'm cranky now. Why do I have to get ready, if I'm just gonna sit around untill she thinks I'll be useful? Then my sister comes in, trying to say goodmorning, but ends up PURPOSLY banging my head into the wall. UGH. I have a headache.

Another think that happened today: My mom decides she wants to "have a nice family dinner at least once this week, because if we don't do it tomorow, we won't for the rest of the week." Um excuse me? CHRISTMAS IS THIS WEEK. Are you telling me your gonna leave your children alone go get drunk on CHRISTMAS?
Anyways, the reason she said that is because after i already told people I could go to their parties, my mom decided she wants me home, but she needs an excuse. Then I got a lecture on why my friends shouldn't be important to me and how "my family will always be there for me." Excuse me, YOU'VE NEVER BEEN THERE FOR ME IN THE FIRST PLACE. Why do you think I hate living here? Why do you think I'm always in a bad mood at home? Why do you think I try to spend so much time away from you? UGH I'm crying again, and I can't see the screen. Thank goodness I know how to touch type.

Yet another thing that happened today: I'm always getting blamed for anything bad that happens in this house. "Sophia, i can't find my keys. What did you do with them?!" "Sophia, you left a knife out on the counter! You could've hurt your siblings!" "SOPHIA! My room is a mess. WHAT DID YOU DO?!" "Sophia, you put the ironing board out wrong. Remember next time..." In case you hadn't noticed, all these things I'm getting blamed for, are the things my mom is doing. UGH.

I really wanna write more, but I'm starting to question this. Do people really actually care about anyone but themselves? Do they really take time out of their day to read a stupid little girl's blog? Does it even matter if someone reads it? UGH i have a headache again. I wish I could go at least ONE DAY without crying.