no one looks at blogspot anymore

So, I made a tumblr about a year or so ago. I decided it was way too hard and said EFF THIS. TOO CONFUSING. and then i decided that I would go back at the start of 2011, so I could start a 365 project that I could show to everyone who cares. I have my own little 365 project that I keep private(: but yeah ! now no body cares about blogspot anymore so I feel like this is all pointless. I might go back sooner than I had planned.

for anyone who cares(:
http://hellosofeeuhh.tumblr.com

im not following anybody, and no one is following me, coz I don't even use it x]

Ji Seo & Tyler Houck

So I pretty much just realized that I've been spending every second of free time that I have with those two.

Monday: No free time :(

Tuesday: Movies with Tyler Houck, Kristen Sang, and Shannon Xiao after school. We saw "Letter's to Juliet" :D Then after that, I went to CCD with Tyler Houck, and then we went to guppy's with Kristen Sang, Joy Liu, and Sean Gordon

Wednesday: No free time :(

Thursday: Icee's, "Up", and Spam Musubi with Tyler Houck and Ji Seo


What I have to look forward to(:

Friday: BANQUET !

Saturday: BEACH !

Sunday: DRUMLINE PARTY!

and you know what else ? Tyler and Ji are gonna be at everything this weekend x]

are you fucking kidding me?

So I tell my mom that clinics start on the 10th.

"Already?! We only got about three weeks off?!"
"Its been about a month..."
"When do you expect your homework to get done?!"
"The clinics are only about three hours... I'll get my homework done alot earlier than I used to be able to."
"When are these clinics gonna start?"
"If I remember correctly, about three."
"So you should have about 45 minutes before. What are you going to do in that time? I won't bring you home."
"I know. I don't expect you to. I'm probably going to eat and get my homework started if I can."

and that started a huge lecture about my "crappy grades" and how she has no problem pulling me out of drumline and this year, shes going to know what to look for and blah blah blah. Okay, I haven't even made it yet, but let's pretend I did. Practices are durring the summer. How can I have "crappy grades" during the summer? Stop telling me I'm not going to get into college. I'm a freaking freshman. I only have one bad grade so stop telling me that I "won't get into college because my grades suck." Clinics are only for THREE DAYS. You need to calm the fuck down. I don't know what to do anymore. I would live with someone else if I could. I would live by myself if I could. I would kill you if I could. If you aren't dead by the end of my senior year, and you're still treating me like shit, there won't be much stopping me from killing you.

what. the. fuck.

And people wonder why I don't love my mom. My mom even knows I don't love her. In a way, I'm glad she knows, but she thinks it's a joke sometimes. Just to clear this up, I don't love you. I don't know how long this has gone on for. I don't know how long ago I realized it. It was probably somewhere in between you crushing my dreams, getting yelled at for something I didn't do, and your two-hour long lectures that I'm not allowed to have a say in. I hate to break it to you, but I do what you tell me to. I don't argue. I haven't in a while. I don't lie to you. I obey you, because it avoids problems. I don't argue or talk-back because my voice jolts your memory back a couple years and makes you start yelling at me for something I don't even remember doing. I don't even know how you can start yelling at me for something I haven't even gotten the chance to do. I don't lie to you, but you seem to think I do. Once you have a story in your head, there's no point in trying to change it, so I don't even bother. I tell you the truth because I want you to know what really happened. Actually, now that I think of it, I lie a lot. I lie because of that story I was talking about. If you accuse me of doing something I didn't do, then I'll tell you I didn't. If your just gonna take that opportunity to give me a lecture on lying and how what I did was wrong, then I don't even bother telling you what really happened. Bitch, you have anger issues to the max. I don't know when this started happening. I thought you were just PMSing or something when this happened two years ago. It never stopped, so I knew I was wrong. Why is it that every time I try to say one word to my brother, I'm all of a sudden in a bad mood. How can I be in a bad mood without even knowing it? I swear, you write these lectures in your head, and then look for a place to throw them into my day. I wish I wasn't sick right now. You feel the need to keep me home the second I start sniffling. I need to fake a miraculous healing or something. I need to pretend that I feel fantastic tomorrow because I can't take being kept in this house all day again. I want to get out of here. Kill me.

busybusybusy.

So, now that I actually have time for a life outside of music and such, I've been doing things that you actually are supposed to do with friends!

Friday Night- Dinner for Tyler Houck's birthday! YoungDong's(: Really good korean Barbecue!

Saturday Morning- Went to watch my friends get confirmed(: like Nicole Ulgado, Jeremy Gozzip, Lauren Dizon, Gabby Martin, Ian Esguerra, and Ronaline Meneses! :D

Saturday Afternoon- Lucille's with Vivian, Jeremy, and his family(: They're so funny! The food was delicious too!

Saturday Night- Watched movies and looked through old yearbooks with Tyler Houck and Ji Seo! FunFunFun! Tyler had never seen Mulan before! O: so we watched that first. And then we started watching A.I. but we didn't get to finish :(

Today is Sunday. The day of rest(:

stream of consciousness(:

i don't even know what to title this. I think this is just going to be a stream of consciousness blog(: you know, where you write about everything thats on your mind. it doesnt have to make sense, you just... write. er, type ! :D no holding back(: well, lets get started

DAAAYTOOON ! i'm so excited and i have this amazing feeling in my stomach. i cant describe it. i think its anxiousness. i havent been on a plane in forever! what if i die? would anyone even care? why should anyone care? I'm nothing special =/

oh dang, i still have to make all those cookies. SOMENJENON PRESENT ! SOphia, MENdie, JENny, and shannON. yaaay ! LMAO.

i hope alex likes them. i havent made the ones he likes in a while. i feel bad. he really likes them when theyre crunchy. But i gotta love his honesty. If he doesn't like them, he tells me. He doesn't try to be nice or sugar coat it. "Sophia, the cookies just weren't good today." and then i fix it :D mucho helper(:

DANGIT i pinky promised myself that i wouldnt hold back here. okay, here i go. sneak a peak into this fucked up place. you can call it, my heart? i guess that works.

my mom keeps telling me how much shes going to miss me when im in ohio. she actually started crying. It almost makes me feel bad about how im always saying how much she doesnt love me. but then i start to think: if she really loved me this much. why does her love have to be conditional? it should have to be like that. Not to sound conceited, but I think I deserve love as much as the next person. On the other hand, shes kind of made me the person I am now. The only thing is, I dont like the person I am now. I'm shy, quiet around alot of people, self-conscious, terrified of rejection, so used to being let down, I don't stick up for myself when I get pushed around, and I never have hope that things are gonna get better. I'm generally a negative person, I cry way too easily, and I do such a good job of hiding my feelings that I always break down when I get home because it's been bottled up all day. I hate how I'm crying right now. I hate how I always feel so helpless. I don't think I'm ever going to truely feel that my mom loves me, no matter what. That bothers me to no end. I think thats really all I have ever wanted in this house. Approval and Love. I can't even write anymore. I guess I'll just end here.

Maybe I just don't understand.

Just a random story I made out of quotes. Does it mean anything? Of course. Will anyone reading this understand it? Probably not, but nonetheless, it's an important story for me.

"After all we did,
After all we shared,
After all we loved,
I still can't believe you just threw me away like that.

But you did."

“Lollipops turn into cigarettes. The innocent ones turn into sluts. Homework goes in the trash. Mobile phones are being used in class. Detention becomes suspension. Soda becomes vodka. Bikes become cars. Kisses turn into sex. Remember when getting high meant swinging on the playground? When protection meant wearing a helmet? When the worst things you could get from boys were cooties? Dad’s shoulders were the highest place on earth and mom was your hero? Your worst enemies were your siblings. Race issues were about who ran the fastest. War was only a card game. And the only drug you knew was cough medicine. When wearing a skirt didn’t make you a slut. The most pain you felt was when you skinned your knees, and goodbyes only meant until tomorrow? And we couldn’t wait to grow up”

"No one ever takes a photograph of something they want to forget."

"The best thing about a picture, is that it never changes. Even when the people in it, do."

"And if I had just had the chance, I never would've let you go."

"And then this morning, Happiness left a note on my fridge, saying: 'You're on your own'."

"Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over, it became a butterfly"

"But being happy doesn't mean that everything is perfect. It just means that you've finally decided to look past the imperfections."

"Life is like an hour glass. Eventually, everything hits the bottom.

and all you have to do is wait until someone comes along to turn it around."

the best song in the world

Tomorrows Schedule:
Wake up in the morning feelin' like P.Diddy, get my backpack out the door, wishin' i could hit that city. Just wake me up, before you go-go coz I'm not planning on going solo. But it's okay coz you're what I go to school for, even if it is a real bore. Maybe I'll get the chance to turn the whole thing upside down. I know I can find the things they say just can't be found.
Kay, i dont know where to go from here x]

I just can't wait to be king(: erm, queen. LOL

poooooooop

I'm really surprised that I haven't blogged in over three months. I'm actually kinda proud. Just kidding. I've been spending too much time on FACEBOOK to notice that I have a blogspot. 'Call me mista Facebook, i can make yo grades drop'. I thought that I made that up, and then I saw a Facebook fan page that was called that. I was depressed.

So the other day, I decided to go on Google maps. I looked how to get from my house to Hawaii. Google told me to drive to Oregon, take a bus through Washington, and when I was almost to canada, it told me to kayak about 3,000 miles across the pacific ocean. I like the way Google thinks.

The end(: